The Bar
by Yohohoandabottleofcokezero
Summary: SPOILERS FOR COE AND THE END OF TIME! What was running through Jack's mind in that bar? Past Janto and implications of Jalonso and Jack/The Doctor.


**The Bar**

Jack had been roaming the bars of the universe again for ten years, when he saw the Doctor again. This loss, someone he had loved and the family he had thought might be able to last, was more than he had expected, more than he believed. It wasn't that he hadn't loved the others he had been forced to surrender to the eternal abyss, but that final moment with Ianto ... it was like the pieces of their relationship had finally slotted into place and he was losing not just this person, but the potential they had never lived up to.

And his family, his dynasty. What had been destroyed that day, Jack knew, brutally slaughtered by his own hands, was not just the beautiful unfurling bud of the Stephen he had been kept at arm's length from – by his daughter and his own stupid walls – but the family he could have created. The family that could have been Jack's constant, Jack's reason for continuing, Jack's humanity. But after that, just looking at families, children and the glowingly pregnant Gwen was enough to make him want to scream and rage that that family out there should be as ruptured as his own, for what had they done more than him? What had they given of themselves that he had not? What had they surrendered of their lives that he had not been forced to lose time after time? How did he not deserve his family, the people he loved?

Part of him had thought Ianto more invincible than the rest. After Lisa, Ianto had risen from the almost dead and he ... he had always had something about him. He'd been more aware of his own mortality in relation to Jack's than the others tended to be. He dwelled on the idea of Jack outlasting him, outliving him, and that should have made Jack more prepared for his death, but becoming the one who was talking about living in the present and promising to never forget, rather than the one who tried to explain that they wouldn't last forever, no matter how much they wanted it. The minute Lucia had become truly aware of his immortality, she'd asked for deep cover and had limited his contact with Melissa, or Alice as she had become, to one letter and photo a month to his Post Office box, until the day his baby was old enough to want her father in her life.

Melissa had been about one and a half, and the three of them had been living in a flat in Cardiff. Lucia had quit Torchwood the day she had passed the three month mark, and had been asked to be put on desk duty the day she found out she was pregnant. But she was already talking about returning to work, until he came home that day, depressed about the death of a former lover who'd made it to sixty. She applied for deep cover the next day.

These thoughts yo-yoed in his head, driving him as mad as his numb state could get while he staggered from place to place in a blur of nothing and too much. People held no interest to him, sex held no interest to him, he just wanted time to move on until he finally reached a point where he truly felt nothing and this gaping hole disappeared.

And that's when he saw the Doctor. It wasn't _his _Doctor, but it was close and he looked ... there was something about him that was off. He looked ... so sad. And that made Jack feel unhappy. The jolt of feeling something for someone else completely took him off guard. The drink was pushed in front of him and the note... "Alonso".

He turned round and saw the man next to him, and couldn't help but think the Doctor certainly knew his type. A tall brunette in uniform had always been a bit of a weakness of his (as Ianto, the Doctor, John and the real Captain Jack could all attest to). And there was something about the smile, the honesty behind it. It had been a very long time he had found someone that ... open, and innocent. Maybe this could be someone else he could love. And dear God, that absolutely petrified him. He met the Doctor's eyes again and felt a message pushing against his psychic shielding. "You will love over and over again. Just like I have. You can try again. Don't dwell on the mistakes, learn not to make them again. Remember them, but don't lose everything. You still have so much to give. It's time."

And Jack could believe it. It seemed bizarre to think that he had been mourning Ianto for longer than he had loved him, regretting Steven for as long as he had lived. Maybe it was time to try and live again.

"So Alonso ... Going my way?"

He had once promised Ianto he would never forget him, that he was more than just a blip in time. And he would remember him, and love him as long as he could, just as Estelle would always have a piece of his heart. But he could always love. And even if he wasn't ready for that, he thought as he looked this man over, he was ready to try living again.

* * *

**A/N: **No matter how much I love Janto, I can't help but think he will obviously move on, or adore Russel Tovoy (I adore Being Human). However, I thought that the exchange was still a bit too abrupt, so this kind of came out of that. Please review and tell me what you think.


End file.
